I don't know that I am the source of it Angela.
The kind of women I don't like so much (that I refer to here), are the calous, less aware kind, who are manipulative and just think it's a fun game, being cruel to men. Sometimes I feel like the majority of women are that way; yep, I know it's probably not true, but it is how I feel at times.
I remember from way back in school, I've always been a fairly genuine and honest person, and say what I feel, and perhaps don't have so much guile or craftiness about me. The world doesn't seem to value truthfulness or fairness in people, women certainly don't seem to value that. Anyway, yes, even back in primary school, I remember girls not liking me, dispising me, and could be quite cruel. I think that started me on the road to not trusting women so much.
But you're right, it doens't feel good to be despised. It doens't create a good feeling for me either (from being on the recieving end of it for so long), and in some deeper ways, it's no so important if your the giver or reciever of it.
People are like sponges, we soak up our environment, and emotions of the people around us; so what's there, in me, it's just what's come to me; that I have absorbed, not what's come FROM me. I don't purposefully set out to despise women (or anyone else for that matter, in fact I do healing meditations to heal the hurt I feel). How well I process and let go of that pain, and can resolve those issues, is another matter. Does that make sense?
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