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Originally Posted by Plato  You seem chilled which I respect and I'm sorry for being so abrupt. In fact it's really none of my business but I was trying to get you to see in yourself what I see in myself: fear. Or to be more precise, fear of having your ego hurt by girls not treating you the way your ego thinks you should be treated. Thing is with these ego constructs you can never be on the same level as somebody else- you are either above them (the ego construct you have created, where nobody is interesting to you), or below where everybody is attractive to you! I've experienced both sides and neither is fulfilling at all. It's why spirituality is so fundamental to good relationships and all these guys who play "silly stupid games" are meditating away to reveal their authentic self. Cracks me up just thinking about it.  |
You know, I'm really more than happy to talk about this stuff. It's not like I'm saying my way is better than anyone else's either, it's just my way, of working through this stuff, and we'll all have our own way, I guess. What's good for one person, may not be so good for another; same with everything in life.
One thing with the spirituality aspect to all this, is how people have a tendency to go looking for happiness and satisfaction in the world, out there. When all along, you have everything you need already within you. In recent times, I just feel like I'm making massive progress in terms of connecting with myself, really knowing who and what I am, it's hard to describe, and words will never explain; but I hope you get what I mean, it's just a spirutal journey thing, I guess. I don't have a relationship to get in the way of that, I'm pretty content with how things are, and I can be civil and friendly with women, and I have a lot of salsa friends who are women, and the interactions always seem fun, friendly, and genuine.
There's also the thing of recognising the divinity (not in a religious sense), in a woman; she's the spark of creation, just as much as we are. I dunno, I think in some sense I become more and more not needing to ball her, to have a connection and enjoy her company.
Again, I can't say that this is right for all guys, it's just the way I'm personally going with this.
I do think it's an amazing powerful thing though, not to be needy; to be content right as you are, and not just in regards to sex and relationships, it's in any aspect of life (like business etc), a generic principle.
Of course, I have a lot to learn and to grow and to change; but I feel quite sure to go my own way with this, your own way is always the right way (for you).
I also tried forcing this issue, going out, smiling at girls and stuff; I really didn't like it, just felt forced, unnatural, wierd. In contrast, when I'm natural, and spontaneous, things just flow and 'work'.
I still don't know why it is though, maybe some of the more flirty type girls, just turn me off, maybe they're not so aware of their own depth, and haven't matured enough, for my liking; though on a purely physical level, I can be attracted, other aspects of my being just get turned off by her. It's like women who wear skimpy clothes in cold weather; I just think she must be thick and lack intelligence or care for her own well-being (I told my sister this, she laughed!).
Jamie.
