Hey, 25. I've just had a chance to deal with insecurity!
I spoke to my boyfriend before lunch. He wanted me to come by on my lunch break, but I wouldn't have enough time. A while after we hung up I sent him a flirty text. That was about 3 hours ago and I haven't heard back yet. Lots of scary thoughts immediately came up when he didn't respond right away like "maybe he's calling some other girl to see if she'll go meet him on her lunch break" and lots more crazy things like that. Here's what I did. I used Alison's suggestion. I started to think of all the rational and harmless reasons he may not respond. He might have gone back to bed (he had said he was very tired -- last night he'd had one of his horrible headaches), he might have been in the other room not thinking he'd need his phone and didn't hear it, he could be talking to someone else or out with a friend. That did help a little actually. I will admit it's still tough. Those thoughts are still there. But the more I look at it the less I find I want to be constantly in his business. It leaves me feeling worse than I would if he actually was cheating on me! And I'm doing it to myself! If I take care of me and my wellbeing I tend to be a lot more fun to be around AND I also have less need for the validation of others.
The thing is I also had a twinge of insecurity when he said he'd be going to his cousin's house tonight for a get together. I've had that before and normally I would have sat home mulling over what horrible thing he could be doing. But lately I've decided to have fun in my life without waiting on him to provide it. That's a big deal. So I am going out with my brother and a friend and keeping my thoughts on myself tonight. The more time you give to these thoughts the stronger they get.
Try accepting the thoughts you have along the lines of: "I feel really insecure about my girlfriend going out without me" "it is unlikely that she is doing anything to hurt me" "when we are together we have a great time and I can feel how much she cares for me" "I want to have a good relationship so I will take control of my thoughts and take care of myself" "when I stay in my own business and take care of my own well-being I am calmer and have more to offer in my relationship" and on and on. Like Angela always says, deliberately think thoughts that feel good when you think them. Not fakey positive stuff, but just the next thought you can reach and believe that gives some relief. When you make a habit of rerouting like that your overall thoughts are more positive and it gets better from there.
Good luck.
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