Tricky situation there.
May I ask why you are marrying in a different country? seems like it is causing a lot of problems for you.
Let me also play devils advocate and run a possible point of view by you -- your mums.
"I had a wonderful trip planned out to the USA. I was looking forward to seeing different shows and finally being away from the usual humdrum of obligations. They all mean well, of course, but with all the demands on my time, I rarely get to do what I want.
So, my daughter decided to get married in the States! Right in the middle of my trip! She wants me to rush to the airport and pick her up after the show, stay the night in our hotel room just to save a bit of money. I mean, they are not going to be able to sleep from jetlag, and they will keep us awake. She could show some consideration for our vacation time.
And then, to top it all off, she gets mad at me because I object to her gran staying with us for 4 days! She's the one wanting to get married over there! Why doesn't she take care of who stays where. If I had wanted her gran to be with me on our holiday, I would have asked her along.
This is my vacation she is taking away from me! We have stuff planned. This was supposed to be time just for us. I am so mad at her!"
From this point of view your moms behaviour doesn't seem so odd. I would suggest you find out from her what her point of view is. Bypass the grumbling, and find out what she is willing to do for you. Once she feels heard and taken seriously things will be much easier.
You have to grant her leeway to do things her own way, though. That is the same leeway all those friends who cannot be there are giving you.
Anyway, I know what difficult parents are like. However, the better you are able to communicate, the better it will get. All the best of luck!
Eva
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