Well, that's all more focus on what you're
doing, as opposed to what you're being, and it doesn't sound like that's been working very well for you.
The way of being that will make a difference is one that inspires
you, not me, so look for a way of being that lights you up.
I'll tell you a way of being that inspires me: Supreme Confidence. I model Richard Branson when I visualize Supreme Confidence for myself, because to me, he emits big, bold, friendly, funny, straight, engaging vibes. I can't know what's in his brain, but how he occurs for me is tremendously authentic and true in his expression, and that is something I want to practice generating, because it feels so good. ("Supreme Confidence" is a term I stole from Paul McKenna, by the way, because it sums up all of those feeling-good qualities for me.)
When I'm busy being Supreme Confidence, I'm aware that if someone is not hearing me and it's important to me that they do, it's up to me -- I have the power! -- to speak to them in a way that they'll hear me the way I want to be heard. And it also gives me the awareness to know when it's
not important to me that a particular person hears or understands me. That sounds very Francis of Assisi, doesn't it?
I find modeling to be a very effective way to figure out what I want to be, and to practice being it. That's why I ask you: who's got what you want, and what is it that they've got? Whatever it is, you can have it, too.