Quote:
Originally Posted by Angelwings  hi, i m 22, i m still single. At this stage, i m willing to try anything to attract a relationship. I wonder where i went wrong. Currently, I am trying to lose some weight, but also, I'm observing the traits/characters of the popular people in college. I want to change my character and how i come across to people.
So, to all of you guys reading this. Please, give me some feedback on the type of character, behaviour and personality that can appeal to a guy.
Is it more flirtatious? more feminine? calm, independent? sassy perhaps? |
Firstly, I'm a guy, so according to your post, I seem qualified to respond.
Secondly, you said, "I want to change my character and how i come across to people".
That sounds all kind of not-good to me (i.e. something you don't want to be doing since it won't bring what you seek). Keep in mind that you create your own truth, so what I'm saying may not be relevant to you beliefs, but I've done an unreasonable amount of research on this subject (let's not go into it here) and what I've learned tells me that if you go that route, it's very likey you'll be less effective then you are now (unless, in trying to change your character, you cultivate traits that align with you you already are).
You saying you want to "change" doesn't surprise me—it's a pervasive mindset—but at the heart of what you want is effectiveness, not change, but you probably believe change will bring you effectiveness.
Marcus Buckingham and a variety of other people, myself included, will tell you the opposite: that the only sustainable way to be more effective is to be more and make use of who you already are.
There's lots of research to back this theory up, but simply put: humans have evolved to be specialists, and when you align with what you have available to you instead of what isn't, even if you lack skill or knowledge, not only will you enjoy yourself more often, but you'll feel more fulfilled and be more effective.
Even more simply put: Play to your strengths—use your strengths to compensate for any weaknesses that may be hindering you.
Sounds good, right? Ok, but then how do you play to your strengths?
You need to firstly (A) become aware of what your strengths are, including what they look like, and (B) you need to start making use of them by focusing on activities and ways of doing activities that make use of your strengths—what you do have available to you.
For more in-depth and specific advice, I recommend the books,
Now, Discover Your Strengths (highly recommended; 1 of the 2 books I'd recommend everyone reads in their lifetime) and
Go Put Your Strengths to Work (the latter I'm busy reading now; the ideas are solid, but I'm not quite sold on the presentation of them yet). I'll also be posting some strengths-related articles in the near future, so if you want to read them, send me a PM and I'll reply to you once I've got them posted.
I'll mention that the concepts I've spoken about can also be found in ideas like the Law of Attraction and also the work of
Abraham-Hicks. I'd say the universe is forged on these foundations, but anyway, my goal here was to get you curious enough to consider what I've mentioned, and maybe check out the resources I referenced if you're interested, and I think I've done that.
On a final note, I'll be 22 this year, and I'm still single (by choice, although I am open to relationship possibilities), so you're definitely not alone. You may not resemble 99% of the population, but from what I've found, you generally don't want to do that anyway.
Postscript
I'll second JSB's comment that guys tend to be drawn to physically attractive women—not necessarily women who have some sort of innate attractiveness, but rather those who "appear" attractive, either from they way their facial features are arranged and sized, their body type, to things like how they present themselves with things like attitude, clothing, make-up, and physical conditioning (i.e. are they healthy? In excellent condition?).
I should probably also mention that I've had great success using the ideas I've talked about in this post. I just be myself and most people seem to like me. I'm not saying this to brag, it's just something I've observed, and it's prominent enough to be apparent. I've been in environments where practically nobody liked me (school), so I can definitely tell the difference.
I'm pretty unconventional, so I tend to cause certain people to be uneasy, but those who resonate with me seem to be drawn strongly to me. I've been looking for clues so I can figure out why, and it seems to partly stem from the fact that I am so completely myself all the time, sometimes more or at least equal to those around me. This one quality seems to make people more comfortable around me, as if on some intuitive level they know they can trust me and don't need to be guarded.
You may be saying, "ok, but what the heck does this have to do with what I'm talking about?" I'd reply with, "everything... you just need to look under the surface to see how things really tick." You can try methods, tricks, and other suck gimmicks to be successful, but you'll forever be drawing on the strengths of someone else and not your own. When you find fundamental ideas and concepts that universally relate to everyone, and you make use of them in a way that aligns with your strongest, most persistent personal assets, I think you'll find as I have that you no longer have a use for "methods" and "processes." Simply being yourself is enough.
But I don't mean that in the passive, often unsatisfying, "be yourself" way; I mean it in the very active way where you're constantly ensuring that you're staying true to yourself and taking your focus off anything that gets in the way of that. The difference is like somebody who says one thing, and does the other: one gets results, while the other would like to get results, and may seem to when you talk with them, but in actuality, enjoys minimal results and effectiveness.