I did this exercise in October. I wrote for over an hour, three different days and come up with nothing. I've always known my purpose was to to create art that inspires positivity and transformation. So when I wrote it down, I felt peaceful. I have been artistic most of my life. I'm good at it. I sell, have shows, and have a couple degrees in it. It's very satisfying. In the next few years I might even be able to make ends meet!!! lol.
The next day, (Still in October) I was watching exerpts from 'the secret' on you tube, and I cried when I saw the person turn the statue to gold with her finger. I was not happy then...(see my other thread ha ha). Of course everyone would cry because they want more money (gold), to not be a 'starving artist' anymore lol, to have the work and the creator recognized and loved.
In December, I was looking back in time trying to remember all the things that made me happy. One of these things was music, I've also been musical all my life, in different ways. I was always shy but very good at public speaking, performing, etc. After a high school choir concert, I'd feel desolate for days, because I knew music was just for fun, and my purpose was to make transformational art, and I didn't know when I'd get to be singing on stage again. I was always in the music room about eight times a week, in every band or choir they had. lol. My art was more 'unique' though so I went into art, because I was simply better at it. My decision was totally logical. I could simply offer a more unique contribution with visual art than anything else.
Fast forward twelve years. Lately that feeling has become much stronger. I got to explore composition recently, and now I feel lost without a song to work on.
Sometimes it's heartbreaking, because I was so happy and challenged working on that song. The creative high was more intense. That is not necessarily what I was trained to do, or what's expected that I do. I don't know if this late in life if I have the energy to start all over again, and if I'd be missing out contributing to society in a valuable way if I moved more in this direction. I don't know if I want it because I can't have it, or if I want it because it's actually linked to my purpose.
Another thing is that I can't make art unless there is music playing. I have a very strong synesthesia, where I see the structures of sound and I draw and paint those. Like Kandinsky. When I was composing, it was amazing because all I had to do was 'flip' the synesthesia around, and turn the structures back into sound!!!!! I didn't know that!!! I thought I didn't have ideas, so I went to sleep and asked for ideas, and the next day I went to the piano, and in a meditative state, ideas were there, I just had to pick them out!!!
Here is the question: Is 'thing that breaks you' is really your life purpose, like Steve suggests, or could it be that it 'breaks you' because you know, logically what you can and can't do, and that you can't do everything in life, simply because there's not enough time.
Have others had the experience of changing or resolving an inconsistancy in life-purpose using Steve's exercise? It sounds like everyone has had great luck with this. Has anyone experienced a drastic change in life and career because of this excercise, and how did it end up working out? Did anyone follow this exercise, and realize the conclusions were a mistake?
Right now I'd say my life purpose is to be creative, and to use creativity to inspire others and catalyze transformational experiences in others. Something like that. Oh. well that didn't shake me up. Crap! Steve? Any thoughts?
Does anyone else have art/music interchangable synesthesia? I really want to know... and if so, what do you do about it???