Quote:
Originally Posted by Holistic Star  Silvia Hartman has written about 'guiding stars' an experience that was so intense and out of normal experience that it shoots way out of our energy system and is like a guiding star that we follow.
It's like our system instead of saying 'wow, what a great experience, I didn't know I could feel that way, I'll look forward to loads more experiences like that in the future' says instead:
' wow, what a great and one-off experience - nothing that good will ever happen to me again, so i will spend the rest of my life trying to recreate it. It will only happen with that exact same person, in the exact same situation.' |
WOW! Interesting!!
That was this experience exactly... it was powerful, intense, a slam upside the head. I felt nothing would ever be the same again. I was really convinced that I'd had one of those experiences where someone meets someone and suddenly knows this is the person they will marry, because it was so intense and mutual that I couldn't imagine it being any other way.
Looking back on it, we worked together in the same cubicle, let alone the same company. We were doing overtime hours. We were fired up with passion and purpose about the project we were working on together. Work mingled with the personal in a delicious mix. I like to love my work and work at my love; I don't like to compartmentalize my life into parts that stay home during specific hours. Our life working together at the office was our relationship. Because
I spent so much time at the office it never even occurred to me that he had a life outside of it. Our work relationship became a central thing to me, even though I only saw him at work. After we stopped working together, the spell broke. But the memory is still there...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Holistic Star Notice you even say 'I don't want it for me now, I want it for the 22 year old me.' You are trying to freeze the experience in time. |
Yes.
I was more compatible with him at 22 than I am now at 34. I am a very dynamic person! I went through at least two career changes (to graphic arts then to health care) and three religions (each of which merged into a broader worldview rather than getting chucked when I found the next big thing) in the time since I knew him. I'm now studying a witchcraft tradition. When I initially dated him, he was very clear about disapproving of paganism. If he's still the same person, I wouldn't date him.
There's also certain things I don't tolerate now at 34. Like I said in original post, I demand to be
met... they have to enjoy my intensity about "my stuff" (I am a person who gets very intense and passionate about my creative work and my interests). If they say "I think you're a little obsessed with..." then forget 'em. I won't allow another person to take my passion away. At this point I'm really passionate about my future career in nursing and enjoy my work a lot, to the point that I blog about it heavily and like to talk about it a lot. It drives me crazy when people don't want to hear about things that get me fired up, or want me to tone my intensity down! It's also a little saddening sometimes that most other people don't seem to have that kind of wiring, where they get really passionate about
anything. Life without passion to me is miserable.
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Originally Posted by Holistic Star Yes you can get over it, but you will probably feel a lot of resistance as the thoughts are so wonderful even though they are painful. |
Yes, there are aspects that are wonderful. I find myself writing fictional scenarios where people have that kind of thing happen and it turns out to be "happily ever after". Sometimes I copy aspects of what happened between us. I get drunk on my own brain chemicals when I do that. I run away to those fantasy scenarios when my partner and I have problems.
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Originally Posted by Holistic Star Silvia writes about them in 'the advanced patterns of EFT' with a strong warning not to tackle on your own as self healing - but to work with someone experienced in this issue. When you dismantle a guiding star, especially a long established one you have to know what you are doing and what to replace it with.
wishing you the best of luck with your journey |
Thanks. I'll do more learning. I'm googling "Guiding Star" right now.
Edited to add:
After thinking about it... I realize that my most intense feelings of attraction/chemistry have taken place while I was working on something with someone. This guy was a coworker on a team where we were working on a project together, doing long and grueling hours. But other incidents happened when I was doing a shared artwork of some kind with someone (a little less intense), and sometimes doing music "jamming" with people (transitory). I've had very good friendships that didn't cross the platonic threshold, because the person would be a "fan" of my work/stuff but not bring in their own creativity. I've also permanently fallen out of love with people when we couldn't work together on a project very well... planning our wedding is what doomed my marriage. I started to have a feeling of what I call "low relationship esteem" where I felt like together, we were a couple of losers. Where I'm hitting snags with my partner is over our inability to work together on fixing up the fixer-upper house that we live in. I drop something, she gets frustrated with me, and it ruins a perfectly good day.
What an awesome revelation!! I think I discovered something I really need in a relationship... we have to be able to work together on things and get joy out of it together.