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Originally Posted by uberinquisitive  James, I'm assuming this girl who seemed interested, but wasn't...she was young, no? Just a girl, figuring out what she wants and needs. |
Well, if you consider five years older than me "young", then sure.... I was 19 when I met her.
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Originally Posted by uberinquisitive When I was young, I was quite shady to a couple of guys. Honestly, it wasn't about them. It was about me trying to figure out who I was. And, for some people (like me), negative actions are powerful ways to know myself.
Now, I am a very different person because I'm older and more experienced. |
Well, if we're going to consider her here, this is everything to my knowledge here, (may have mentioned some earlier here, but I can't remember exactly what).
I began to take an interest on the second day we've seen each other in class, as from that moment forward, she sat next to me and we talked everyday that semester (besides the occasional absences, of course). She didn't tell me she was seeing someone until about two months or so later, and well, OK, I don't need to be re-describing the rest of the story, which everyone probably knows about (from
here.)
But now, it's not that I'm not longing for her and want to be with her or anything like that; It's more along the lines like "Everything that happened to me, and the pain I felt throughout that time, I KNOW I don't want to experience it ever again, why would I want to take that risk." Or even if I'll ever be as close to someone as beautiful as her again (Well, this only applies if you can consider what I've described about it as "close").
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Originally Posted by uberinquisitive Also - when it comes to romantic love - disappointments hurt us much more than in any other type of relationship. There were probably other times in your life when some male acquaintance promised you guys would hang out, but it never happened. I'm guessing you didn't give it a second thought. However, if it was a girl - then it would be much more painful.
Everyone eventually disappoints us, because sometimes their agenda and ours doesn't totally mesh. It's not the girl's fault that you take her actions much more personally than you would another guy's. That your decision (and the decision of most people, it seems).
If a male acquaintance flakes out on you, do you decide you will never make plans with another male acquaintance again? Of course not. |
Honestly, I don't remember any time I was ever so-called "rejected" by guy friends, so either A: It never happened, or more likely B: It happened and I just didn't think anything of it, like you said. But, as you also mentioned, it's different, it hurts much more when it comes to rejection from romantic love.
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Originally Posted by uberinquisitive So, when people say that not trusting women is actually you not trusting yourself - it's totally true. You don't trust that your ego can withstand a woman's rejection. Your ego is healthy enough to withstand other types of rejection - but not a woman's. That's 100% your decision to give women that power. |
While rejection is certainly a problem that everyone faces, it's not my only issue I'm concerned about. Even if you learn they really ARE interested, but are already with someone they're not mentioning, and you just wind up being "The Other Guy (or Girl, which'd be your case)". Or even after that, once you'd already be together, how can you trust them to be completely faithful to you?
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Originally Posted by uberinquisitive Personally, I would love to get to the point where I can treat my boyfriends like I do female friends - I never take anything my female friends personally. I give them space to live their own life, and I'm always happy to see them, even after months of no contact.
My female friends are not superior people to my boyfriends - it's just that I treat them differently, because my ego isn't wrapped up in my friendships. If my friend acts badly, then I can let her go and not think much of it later. But if a boyfriend does a similar thing, I obsess over it like it's the end of the world.
Granted, I think sex changes the dynamic of relationships. But, shouldn't you be even more kind and understanding to the person you share your body with? |
Well, if you were able to treat your boyfriend like that, would you still consider them to be your boyfriend?
As Cylon has already described (and Angela debunked
), Men and Women are different. And there aren't exactly games of 'competing for affection' from regular friends.
Just how much of a role my ego would play in those types of situations, I'm unsure.