Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - help! I am trying to bite the bullet and live more consciously

uberinquisitive · 03-28-2008, 01:13 AM

I really empathize. Most my life, my mother deeply discouraged me from art and writing. There is one particular incident I remember at age 12 or 13, where she so deeply humiliated me that I stopped writing.

About a year ago, my fiancé killed himself. Within 10 days, I lost my future husband, my apartment, my job, my money...all the securities. For the past year, I've been living out of a suitcase and didn't even have a job. I am currently in a lot of debt, and barely making ends meet.

Because I had nothing to lose, I started writing. I'm just 1 year into doing it "seriously" and even though I haven't "achieved anything" yet, I now see that writing isn't a risk at all. That my previous "safe" path was actually far riskier.

Fact: I'm not going to starve on the street or be homeless. I have family. I have friends. I may be poor (for a while). But my basic needs will be cared for. If you have couches to crash on - you're fine.

Fact: If money gets really tight, I could always work minimum wage at a McDonalds. They would hire me immediately. Nothing is keeping me from working there. So, lack of income is not a valid reason to not write.

Fact: My uncertainty provides extremely rich material to draw upon. People always comment that my writing is almost 3D in emotional intensity. That's because I pour all my fears and hopes and insecurities and happiness into those words. Your intense emotions may help your writing far more than hinder you.

Fact: If you go the wrong direction, you can always change. Months after my fiancé killed himself, I was creating a new life for myself. However, my fiancé? He was dead, ashes in an urn. He didn't get to change his life, like I did. And that's when I realized: death is the ONLY thing that keeps you from changing your path. Once you die, the doors are permanently closed. But as long as you're alive, you can re-open even closed doors. It's tough. But absolutely do-able.

Fact: Everyday, we are one step closer to death. If that's the only thing that permanently closes doors - then it makes much more sense to go on a riskier path while alive, when doors are never permanently shut.

And I could go on and on.

03-28-2008, 01:13 AM	#4 (permalink)
uberinquisitive Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 634	I really empathize. Most my life, my mother deeply discouraged me from art and writing. There is one particular incident I remember at age 12 or 13, where she so deeply humiliated me that I stopped writing. About a year ago, my fiancé killed himself. Within 10 days, I lost my future husband, my apartment, my job, my money...all the securities. For the past year, I've been living out of a suitcase and didn't even have a job. I am currently in a lot of debt, and barely making ends meet. Because I had nothing to lose, I started writing. I'm just 1 year into doing it "seriously" and even though I haven't "achieved anything" yet, I now see that writing isn't a risk at all. That my previous "safe" path was actually far riskier. Fact: I'm not going to starve on the street or be homeless. I have family. I have friends. I may be poor (for a while). But my basic needs will be cared for. If you have couches to crash on - you're fine. Fact: If money gets really tight, I could always work minimum wage at a McDonalds. They would hire me immediately. Nothing is keeping me from working there. So, lack of income is not a valid reason to not write. Fact: My uncertainty provides extremely rich material to draw upon. People always comment that my writing is almost 3D in emotional intensity. That's because I pour all my fears and hopes and insecurities and happiness into those words. Your intense emotions may help your writing far more than hinder you. Fact: If you go the wrong direction, you can always change. Months after my fiancé killed himself, I was creating a new life for myself. However, my fiancé? He was dead, ashes in an urn. He didn't get to change his life, like I did. And that's when I realized: death is the ONLY thing that keeps you from changing your path. Once you die, the doors are permanently closed. But as long as you're alive, you can re-open even closed doors. It's tough. But absolutely do-able. Fact: Everyday, we are one step closer to death. If that's the only thing that permanently closes doors - then it makes much more sense to go on a riskier path while alive, when doors are never permanently shut. And I could go on and on.