Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - help! I am trying to bite the bullet and live more consciously

iarlaitha · 03-26-2008, 12:11 AM

Hello everyone

I am going through a very difficult patch at the moment and I would be very grateful for your assistance. for the last year approximately it has become to clear to me that in my work life i have been investing a great deal of time trying to be a square peg in a round hole - it took me a great deal of effort to do the work as i really didn't enjoy what i was doing. I had always felt that I wanted to write and paint but due to a very traumatic past in which my self-expression was stripped away from me, I felt as if it would be impossible to me. However, things have started to happen for me. I have had a couple of exhibitions of my paintings and I have started noting down things for my writing. BUT last summer i met someone who had taken their career in the direction I wanted to go in - to steer it towards the literary side of things - and i have realised that I want to stop the current path and go towards something more fulfilling. At the moment I am on the point of applying for these things but I have real trouble leaving behind the security of the past path - although my heart wasn't in it and I felt increasingly mediocre.

The last few weeks I have had intense anxiety and I cannot seem to formulate my ideas though the deadlines for the course of graduate study I hope to undertake are approaching now. One problem is that I lack a proper income, I have moved back to the UK and don't have a home of my own so I am moving from couch to couch.

I would be grateful if you could assist me and give me some advice or just good vibes.

I still seem to have problems feeling entitled to being happy and enjoying what I do after so many years of investing in and trying to do what I really was not interested in. I am worried that it is too late and that in addition to my academic ambitions that it might be too late for me to develop confidence as a writer. I am very anxious that by closing the door on the current way of life, I will go in the wrong direction. I am worried to try in fact (and for some reason I am hyper-anxious about the opinions of others).

sorry for the long post, I am feeling rather distraught!

Iarlaitha

03-26-2008, 12:11 AM	#1 (permalink)
iarlaitha Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 20	help! I am trying to bite the bullet and live more consciously Hello everyone I am going through a very difficult patch at the moment and I would be very grateful for your assistance. for the last year approximately it has become to clear to me that in my work life i have been investing a great deal of time trying to be a square peg in a round hole - it took me a great deal of effort to do the work as i really didn't enjoy what i was doing. I had always felt that I wanted to write and paint but due to a very traumatic past in which my self-expression was stripped away from me, I felt as if it would be impossible to me. However, things have started to happen for me. I have had a couple of exhibitions of my paintings and I have started noting down things for my writing. BUT last summer i met someone who had taken their career in the direction I wanted to go in - to steer it towards the literary side of things - and i have realised that I want to stop the current path and go towards something more fulfilling. At the moment I am on the point of applying for these things but I have real trouble leaving behind the security of the past path - although my heart wasn't in it and I felt increasingly mediocre. The last few weeks I have had intense anxiety and I cannot seem to formulate my ideas though the deadlines for the course of graduate study I hope to undertake are approaching now. One problem is that I lack a proper income, I have moved back to the UK and don't have a home of my own so I am moving from couch to couch. I would be grateful if you could assist me and give me some advice or just good vibes. I still seem to have problems feeling entitled to being happy and enjoying what I do after so many years of investing in and trying to do what I really was not interested in. I am worried that it is too late and that in addition to my academic ambitions that it might be too late for me to develop confidence as a writer. I am very anxious that by closing the door on the current way of life, I will go in the wrong direction. I am worried to try in fact (and for some reason I am hyper-anxious about the opinions of others). sorry for the long post, I am feeling rather distraught! Iarlaitha Last edited by iarlaitha; 03-26-2008 at 12:18 AM.