You are so much fun, Uber! You know, it's easy for us to see that you are already being courageous, by boldly looking at the crap you've been running on yourself and on others, taking responsibility for it, and questioning the Truth of it. There are very, very few people in the world who have the courage to do what you've been doing.
Your family, I think, is contributing to you in a way they couldn't have before you took on this courageous quest. If they had been so tough-love with you a few months ago, you would have made it mean something else entirely, something more like, "they are victimizing me." Now, you are boldly taking it on that your way of being has had an impact, and since you are looking at yourself so courageously, they can also courageously tell you their truth about how you are occuring for them. And you, you special darling, are taking responsibility for it and using it for the highest good of all! How cool is that!
So now, of course when you take on something so huge and life-changing, of course it feels scary -- that is a good thing! It means you are up to really big things in your life, and ready to let go of settling for being ordinary. Yay! You are not going to die, and they are not going to take away your children -- the fear is not authentic fear, it's the fear of what might happen, which you can't know for sure anyway.
As you expose this stuff to the light of day, the vampire part of you will POOF disintegrate and die. The vampire part of you that sucks life OUT of life is withering and disappearing (and howling and complaining as it dies, that's just part of it's death throes, don't worry.) And in that daylight, you are reborn as the person you most want to be: a person who is in love with her life. Who you really are. It's not that you are "barely competent." It's that you are recognizing your childlike self -- you are relearning how to life life as a person who is in love with her life -- it's a new way of being for you, so naturally everything feels new and challenging as you take the entire world on in the light of your new, inspiring possibility! Reframe it, girl! You are in absolutely the best possible space right now. You are a baby in an adult's body, and you get to start creating your life fresh and new.
And... it's the beginning of Spring (here, anyway)! What a perfect time to be born again into a life you are madly in love with.
|