Now my sister has confronted me. She is like my cousin, in that she usually doesn't ruffle me, and instead tries to keep the peace.
She told me:
"All you do is stay in your head. You travel to exotic locations, but stay in the hotel. You read self-help books to find more reasons why you're a victim. You don't walk outside when the weather is nice. You just stay in your head, always analyzing, always trying to protect yourself. I get it - you're sensitive, blah blah blah. But you're making it a weakness, not a strength. You need to LIGHTEN UP."
I'm now staring at reality. I feel torn. Because...in many many ways...I like the protection of staying in my head. I need to remain the victim. I just don't see myself any other way.
Being brave and courageous? That's other people. Not me. I can barely drink a cup of water without spilling it over my shirt - I feel like I'm barely competent. I can't even leave the apartment right now - I feel like if I step out into the sun, I'll *poof* disintegrate, like a vampire.
How does a person become brave and courageous? How does a person get beyond their fears? Talk about it? Read about it? Go bungee jumping? I mean, what? How do you break the death grip and inertia of your fears? Of comfort zones?
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