Hey there's something bugging me. After I found a nice general purpose for me that I love very much (to create harmony), I decided to use writing as a medium. I thought this was a good match and was very happy about my decision, couldn't start immediately though. Many things happened in my life, I moved to another country and so on. Now I still have to travel to the old country once, to manage some stuff, to wait for my internet connection and help my parents out for a week. But in, let's say, 2-4 weeks, I'm ready to start.
Unfortunately I'm feeling quite uncomfortable and secretly having doubts now. I don't know if writing is really what I want or should be doing. I don't feel like a writer at all.
Since I was a pre school kid I've been reading, reading, reading. When I was a teenager, I thought I would become a writer. It wasn't a fabulous dream, it was more a fact, I just knew it, and couldn't imagine anything else I could be doing. So logically I began studying literature. After that my life got totally out of whack, I broke my studies off, fought depression, got better, changed a lot, learned a lot, tried diverse jobs and studied many other fascinating things.
Now going back to writing for me feels like "oh well, oooook then..." more than like "Yay! Wanna do that!". I know I can do it, I'm often told I have a talent for writing (but I'm often told I have a talent for other things too, so it's not that relevant). At least it's quite easy for me, I also did ghostwrite things a few times now and got very good feedback. But somehow I'm not feeling great about it.
I can see other people being all passionate about writing, they just need to write or else they're unhappy, or they have ideas, complete stories in their head... Well I have not. When I write I'm happy, that's true, I love writing, when I'm writing I feel in a state of flow and forget about time. But I also love dancing, singing, making sculptures, studying mathematics, taking care of animals or climbing mountains.
I can also spend weeks and months without writing and won't even think of it. I have some ideas, but it's only small details that I would love to see in a screenplay, not enough for an entire story. I live mostly in my imagination, seeing nice things all the time there - but nothing worth of making a story with.
You know, it's just that I have nothing particular to say.
I know I should be putting a lot of energy and commitment in my writing career now. Oddly enough I don't feel motivated, not even interested in doing that. I don't know if I'm just being incredibly lazy, or if I have these doubts for a good reason.
Generally I'm totally not interested in having a career. Too bad that I need some money to live.