[Kidman]

Hey,
I'm just posting because it's bothering me that I can't find any Motivation in my life at all. It doesn't matter what I do. If I do my homework or anything in my spare time.
Some people might get motivated by the fact that they want to make a lot of money when they're "grown up" or by following they're dreams and I seem to not care at all. It got a little better, especially in school. My grades are up from a bad D to a good B (otherwise I wouldn't graduate) . But I still think I just do it with no purpose in front of it. It's hard to explain how I feel. I just think nothing is worthwhile. Why go through all the trouble of education and working your ass off just to make a decent living when in the end nothing matters because you're going to die anyway.
It's really a dilemma. I can't even get motivated for the things I want to do. I know it's sounds crazy. But I read a lot about screenwriting and I would love to write a screenplay (or at least try) but I guess I'm too afraid of failing. I guess that's really my problem.

What the hell motivates all of you? Maybe I will try some of that...

Arghs. I know my text is not structured. I hate that. But I guess that just expresses how I feel -,-

Greetz Kidman