Quote:
Originally Posted by uberinquisitive  Everyone is, in their own way, advising me to "chill out" "accept" "surrender." Tolle, Katie, people on this board, my friends and family.
What does that really mean?
When we skin our knee or break our bones, we don't sit there and chill. We go to a hospital. When we need money, we get a job. The concept of just "taking it" sounds sooooo counter-intuitive.
I have done nothing about my current guy situation, but I can't help but rehearse how I'm going to (hypothetically) confront him. In my imagination, I take the upper hand. If I didn't have this outlet, I think I'd go bananas. But I know this is not real surrender.
How does one get out of the grips of her own, crazy mind? |
Hi, Uber. First of all, when you skin your knee or break your bone, that is authentic pain -- that is, here and now pain. The pain you are in is old pain that you're hauling around (your exes leaving you feeling abandoned) and also anticipated pain (rehearsing your encounters). You could go to the hospital for inauthentic pain -- you could go to the psych ward, and they would probably treat you for depression, but I'm not real confident that would have you loving your life. You could also go to what I call the Pain Hospital -- that is, the Hospital d' Amor: lots of consolation from your girlfriends, from us, maybe some margaritas, long hot baths, a massage, sniffy teary movies, and time.
You can't stay in the Hospital d'Amor for too long, though, or the nurses will start rolling their eyes at you. It's for the emergency term -- when you just are so stunned by the pain of thwarted love that you don't even feel like you can shave your legs (or whatever).
So when you're at the stage you're in -- past the emergency stage, but really befuddled about what to do next -- that's when the need for real courage and boldness comes in. You've got that in spades; I've seen it in you. Courage and boldness is what it takes for REAL surrender and acceptance. It's not about chilling out and doing nothing; it's not about giving up and turning your back on things. When you're accepting or surrendering, you are saying YES to reality. Yes, your sweetheart committed suicide. It doesn't mean anything about you. Yes, your ex-boyfriend does some inexplicable things, and doesn't do things you think he owes you, like calling on your birthday. That also doesn't mean anything about you. People do things you don't like, and they always will! That you can count on.
And if you say Yes to the reality of these things, if you grant people the freedom to do what they do and think what they think and feel what they feel (especially yourself!), what will occur for you is not just being chill; it's Being Peace.
Is that something you'd like to generate for yourself, Uber?