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Originally Posted by cylon  I guess so. I'm having trouble with the forgiving and forgetting part. I have acceptance, but part of me says forgiveness means "everything's ok", but even though I accept certain things, no they are not ok, lol. Takes courage to cut people out of your life. |
You mean, it's like saying, "it's okay that you treated me so shabbily"? "You did some things that really devastated and hurt me, and that's alright; you can keep doing that if you need to." Like that?
Remember that accepting and forgiving doesn't mean condoning. It doesn't mean, "You can do whatever you want to me, and I'll just stand here smiling and cheering you on." You don't even need to forget what happened, although you probably have more constructive stuff you'd rather focus on, and it would make more room for the inspiration if you were to let go of the memory.
Accepting and forgiving means: Acknowledge that something happened and you paid a price (feeling pain, betrayal, resentment, loneliness, whatever). It happened, and all the *shoulds* in the world won't change that it happened. When you find yourself saying, "that *shouldn't* have happened! It should have gone another way! She was *wrong* to do that!" recognize that you are arguing with reality. With what you've learned, you are free to make other choices in similar situations, but what happened happened.
It doesn't mean anything about you.
Forgiving means: once you recognize that you paid that price, consider how long you're willing to keep paying it.
Consider that we are all doing our best, so our actions are all right within that context. Your right action might mean you must let her go with love, or it may mean you need to report her to the police. Whatever your next right action is, once you've acted, any price you keep paying after that is Old Pain -- the only return you're getting is nourishment for feeling bad. You can keep paying that old invoice if you want to. Or you can file it under "Paid in Full" and let it go. In that case, you'll be free to be really powerfully present for the next fabulously attractive woman you encounter. You'll be free to generate something wonderful and creative, without the encumbrance of all that old pain.
Wouldn't that be worth doing?