Quote:
Originally Posted by uberinquisitive  If there is unconditional love, what am I supposed to do? Tell myself that he didn't do anything wrong, and that I'm the one who is belitting myself? |
Doormat and unconditional love do not belong together.
You can ask for what you want in relationships while being unconditionally loving. There is actually a part in I Need Your Love that talks about that.
You can be unconditionally loving and leave a relationship. That's in there too.
You don't have to "trick" yourself into wanting something other than what you want.
Have you read the book? I can't remember...
It would be a good way to understand this exact situation more. PM me your address if you want and I'll send it to you.
With my ex and me there have been some times where I went total Chicken Diva about why he didn't answer my call or why he didn't do something he said he would. The thing that was really going on had nothing to do with him at all. It was all about me and what
I made his actions mean about
me. I began to look for the root of why it hurt so effing bad that he didn't call. Logically I know there could be any number of reasons...I mean, I've not called people back right away and I know it wasn't because I secretly despise them or anything! But deeper was the old pain of "I am nothing" which is reinforced by something he did. Angela told me something that really made sense (paraphrased): people lie and break promises all the time in relationships, it doesn't mean anything about you, me, Danger Man or [ATC's ex]. Beyond the hurt that his lack of contact about your birthday has brought is the real reason you are in pain. This guy is helping you learn some important lessons for yourself, what a teacher! My ex is my teacher and boy are the lessons a pain in the ass sometimes. But I have come to a place that I didn't know existed through this experience.
Like mncz said earlier in the thread, if you need this learning experience you will choose to have it. So look deeper than the surface situation for what is really going on here. It's certainly not about the guy -- for you or for me.