Quote:
Originally Posted by jamestl2  It's all about trusting ourselves? So do we not place *any* such trust in others then? |
Well, you don't
have to trust others, but I find it works really, really well in living a life I love. I'm talking about trusting others to do exactly what's right for them; trusting them to make choices that work for them, even if that choice doesn't work so well for me.
Your whole model of "trust" is a house of cards. What you mean by trust is: others must do what you want them to do when you want them to do it, otherwise you will be injured. Well, man up, buddy! (I'm just kidding. I wanted to say that since cylon did.) It applies, though -- that is one thing you really can trust: People will
constantly not do what you want them to do when you want them to do it! You can count on that! You can trust in that! And
you will constantly not do what others want you to do when
they want you to do it. Even in the closest, most successful relationships, that happens
a lot.
So try thinking of trust in a whole 'nuther way. People other than yourself are all behaving with positive intent -- that is, they are making choices with some intention of benefit for their lives. Just like you! And very often in a relationship, two people will make a concerted, conscious effort to behave with each other's benefit at the forefront of their will. And still it doesn't always happen! D'oh! What you can trust is: you are okay, and maybe even better than okay if you make skillful choices. You can trust that a relationship won't kill you (probably) and you can trust that whatever you learn from discomfort or pain in a relationship will serve you in a way that you might not see right away.
In a way, trust is like unconditional love -- it's not FOR anyone in particular, except you. You just generate it so that it exists in the world. Why? Because like love, generating trust feels good on purpose.