Quote:
Originally Posted by blueberry  I've been feeling like his life is in my hands. |
This looks like a good place to start, Blueberry. As long as you believe that your life is in his hands, that is true!
The good news is that you have the power to transform this situation by adopting beliefs and ways of being that work better for you. You might try on: "I am the expert on me" as a belief that would have more empowering results as opposed to: "I'm screwed up in the head and maybe this guy can redeem me."
Your power is not going to come from any source but YOU. You know that. No one, especially not this fellow, is going to provide you with power, as long as you insist on thrusting it back outside yourself. You have been training this man to behave with you as the person you believe yourself to be. Now it's time to stop that, isn't it?
In a loving, long-term mutually beneficial relationship (LLTMBR), each person takes 100% responsibility for hermself, for his/her own well-being, and for the well-being of the relationship. That doesn't sound like what is going on here -- right? If you continue with the way things are going, you will train yourself and him to believe that your well-being is dependent on him, and the more and more difficult it becomes to break the pattern.
How about breaking the pattern NOW? Can you think of a couple of actions you can take that will interrupt the habitual pattern you are in? (I can think of a couple right off the bat!) Are you willing to take bold, courageous steps to put yourself on a path that gives you joy & freedom to tread? Or would you prefer to keep on doing what you're doing forever, and one day die feeling this sense of inadequacy, pain, and dread?