About 10 years ago I lost my father. He was shot in an organized robbery. 7 months later my cousin was dead of a heroin overdose. 2 months after that my dear grandfather was gone.
I thought that my life had lost all meaning, that I would eventually just not wake up one morning and not be alive. I was afraid to die, but the meaning of life had escaped me completely.
The one thing that kept me trudging on and on, besides inertia, was my belief that one day, somehow, this would make sense to me in the future.
10 years later I can say that I lost these people in body but their spirits didn't just affect me, they really are a part of me. Our reliance on the physical aspect of spirits in our lives can be a huge crutch to help us feel whole. In fact it is an illusion. You have all your memories and your values are made up of all the spirits that touched you, for better or worse. Carry them with you and when you have to step back and make a tough decision, let them guide you towards the path that makes your life best.
I know, the pain you feel right now is unbearable. How can it not be, you are having to face the only thing we can't understand until it happens to us. Don't let it tear you apart but don't ignore it. Let it out with your family or find a counselor you can trust and just grieve. Consider it a car wash for your soul and water the gunk out of your heart. You'll feel 100 times better if you do.
I wish you grace and strength.
Last edited by mezameo; 03-16-2008 at 03:19 AM.