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Originally Posted by sonicpunk32  i think she's more masculine and i'm more feminine in comparison to each other. that fact creeps her out a bit. |
My wife and I were that way. I think it creeped me out more than her though. I got used to it and even became fond of it in a lot of ways. But it is possible that you may never get the touchy-feely you're looking for. Depends on a lot of things. Women with lots of masculine energy are even more uncharted territory than usual for us guys. Sometimes I think they are uncharted territory to themselves because society doesn't really support their development very well. My Linda was not "sugar and spice and everything nice". Her mother couldn't get her to play with dolls. She was not a tomboy, she was drop-dead gorgeous, even sultry ... but she was not your typical silly, catty girly-girl. She had laser-like focus, towering intellect, and pursued excellence relentlessly. Check it out: 4.0 GPA in high school. 4.0 GPA in college, and finished in 3 years.
My wife had a rather different "love language" than me; she was for the most part much more concerned with respect and attentiveness than with my little endearments and sweet nothings. She was a Type A, action-oriented person; I'm a Type B, verbally-oriented person. She was driven, I was laid back. We were looking for different cues and markers in our little dance together. If I did concrete things (usually things I wouldn't personally give a fig about, but which were a Big Deal to her) to make her feel valued and respected, then she turned into a puddle (or on a few memorable occasions, a tigress). In other words I could get the validation I was looking for, but only after a rather meaningless (to me) preamble. Without that she was...for lack of a better word ...
business-like.
You might consider whether your partner has a rather different set of expectations than you. If so, and if those expectations are not unrealistic or warped, but just different, then you'll have to adapt to them (and hopefully to an equal extent, she'll have to adapt to you) in order for it to work. This isn't news of course, it's how any relationship works, but one hopes that the amount of compromise required of both partners is not excessive.
As an aside, it helps sometimes with any woman to ponder what kinds of men were influential in her life during her formative years. My wife's father abandoned the family when she was 11, and her mother wigged out over that and effectively switched roles with Linda. Her grandfather was kind of a disorganized, simple-minded, sweet-tempered, useless guy who was always broke. So ... she was always the "man of the family" and was kind of pissed about it. Since I'm easy going and conflict-adverse, and she was a force of nature, I tended to let her fight her own battles; she was perfectly capable after all -- until I figured out that, hey, she really wanted me to go to bat for her
anyway.
Relationships are ... educational. But I suspect you're finding that out ;-)
--Bob