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Originally Posted by sonicpunk32  how much of that am i not getting? about 70%. how much of it am i not giving? well let's just say that i'm more than willing to give out everything i've mentioned so far. everytime i tried talking to her about this, well, let's just say she isnt the one coming to me making demands. so i guess she's very comfortable with the way things are now. heck i'm the one who initiated the relationship with her in the first place. |
I think it's a Bad Idea to assume that when a woman has voiced no complaints, that all is well. It's a common Guy Mistake (tm). Then again, it can be the very devil of a time in my experience getting a woman to talk honestly about what is REALLY on her mind. (You know, the eternal exchange -- He: "What's bothering you?" She: "Nothing.") In my experience women are really prone to this idea of "If you loved me and cared about me you'd read my mind / take my subtle little hints. I'm not going to tell you because I shouldn't have to. You should just know." It is a really, really common illusion -- they think we're being willfully stupid and holding out on them because they totally don't get how simple and clueless we guys are. They think we are such complex things. Feh!
Like Angela says, you both need to talk the daylights out of this. Do it while it's a small problem. If you're not getting 70% of the subjective sense of intimacy you want from the relationship, that's not a sustainable relationship. for you It doesn't mean that it's necessarily going to be a big deal to remedy it -- it may be some very small adjustment -- but you need to deal with it now, before frustration and resentment sets in.
If your partner is more extroverted than you, and doesn't seem to be telegraphing "leave me alone already" signals to you, then it seems likely that she's getting whatever personal space she needs, so hopefully you just need to talk out what kinds of actions and attitudes on her part would make you feel more connected. And hopefully she can do those things without it costing her too much.
Be careful how you phrase it -- don't complain or blame, just say you want to enhance the relationship and make it he best it can be for you both -- should be music to any woman's ears. Don't say you don't feel connected -- say you want to feel even more connected.
Let us know how it goes!
--Bob