It seems good to me!
the only piece of advice i can think of, is that it seems to have a lot of words for somthing that can be described in a lot less. It's great that you're descriptive about it and as long as it goes through your mind extremely easily and fluidly then by all means just leave it as it is.
I feel that when i'm a bit overly descriptive with my intentions it gets in the way slightly of me being able to process the thought thoroughly and easily, especially throughout the day, but that's just me, and you may feel your intention is fine the way it is. its just a thought, goodluck with your studying!
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