[BeingButterfly]

Hello everyone,

This is my first post. Recently, I stumbled upon Steve's website and I must say, it's been a real blessing for me as it has lifted me up. I am learning. I want to say, thank you Steve for having the courage to become who you were meant to be...it is greatly appreciated.

Now my question. I must admit I feel somewhat odd about posting but I do so because I honestly am in need of answers. I know there are enlightened and kind souls here who will help me find my way. Thank you for your time.

Okay taking a deep breath as I begin.

A few months ago, while being in an online environment I met someone. Mind you I wasn't looking for anyone 'online', in fact, I had decided I wouldn't be open to meeting anyone within this context. Then one day, someone contacted me. He was a regular at this place I was attending online. He was very much a gentleman, polite, kind, wonderful. He asked me if I thought I was 'special'. I replied, people have always told me I am and have always told me I am an 'old soul'. Its that I speak to them from my soul to their soul and they aren't use to this, so they think I am 'special'. So for many people, yes I am.

I didn't think much about it. He continued to contact me. Many times, I was too busy to really talk with him but there was 'something' that told me to make the time and so eventually, I did. At first, we just had fun (in a 3D world) together going on adventures, in a super relaxed 'connection'. Still, I didn't think too much about it. He was just this really nice person I felt very, very comfortable with. Then one day, he showed me a deeper level of his soul and I can remember the moment, it literally made my soul turn and 'see' him and all I saw was beauty and my heart was glad. My heart was so happy.

He told me he didn't understand why but he felt he had to engage me. He felt something strong pulling him to me unlike anything he had ever felt before. He said, he had to know. And in the beginning when I was too busy (before I really 'saw' him), he said it challenged his faith because he felt certain about me, and after speaking to me the first time he said he felt the everything about me was right. He just 'knew' it was.

Over the next several weeks we spent hours talking. Mind you just talking. Not cyber sex talk or anything remotely close. Even we laughed at how two people could spend hours together in cyberspace talking and be happy. He told me, he got up and ran to his computer before making coffee ir anything. He told me he was floating, comfortable, happy. In all my years, I have never felt such a natural flow and ease with anyone as I have with him. The best way to sum it up is to say, it feels like home. It's as if I've known him forever and yet I haven't. Easy, flowing, peaceful, joy. This is what it feels like. And the wonder of it all is he says he feels the same way. Nothing is forced...it just is.

Now I can bring my intellect in and say, well of course its all wonderful in cyberspace because it isn't in a real life environment but my soul is wise enough to know, something is here between us and placed within real conditions it would thrive. Plato best explains it in Phaedrus, far better than I could ever hope to explain it.

Finally here comes reality, he is in a relationship and living with a woman. They aren't married but have been together some years. Yet I know, all relationships are sacred and so, I feel selfish for allowing myself to come to love him. He tells me he is happy and has a full life and yet, he found himself intensely drawn to me. He says, he has cried because he doesn't want to hurt his girlfriend and at the same time doesn't want to lose me. He seems almost tortured. So he has pulled back but we still speak. He says, he isn't trying to get rid of me or push me away, he just needs to work now because he had started to neglect is responsibilities. He says, we both know we couldn't continue at that pace being that close. He tells me, he can't be involved in anything serious because he is in a relationship. He tells me if he wasn't with her he would have been knocking on my door by the 10th day. So I tell him I wouldn't want to be the cause of his ending his relationship, and he tells me I wouldn't be and that if it ever ended it would be because of the two of them. And here I am all these months later...oh god, I did it, I fell in love with this beautiful soul. I understand he doesn't want to betray his relationship. Still my heart longs for him and I can feel he longs for me and even feeling this way, I feel selfish because I know I shouldn't, and yet I do. Truth be told, I wish with all my heart and soul we could be together. It is as honest as I can be.

Have I lost my mind? Months ago I sent it out into the universe, I said, bring forth my soulmate, I am ready. Since then, I haven't been on hyper alert looking at every man thinking, are you him? In fact, I haven't even been looking. I just opened myself up to the possibility. Why would the universe reveal to me this wonderful soul and yet, have him be in a relationship? I know we all meet for a reason and there aren't any coincidences. And now I have to ask, why? Surely the universe isn't cruel, isn't mocking me. I know it isn't, so why? I know, we are to apply our hearts, our souls' intention for the greater good of all involved. How can my heart wish for someone who would have to end his current relationship to be with me...isn't that wrong? And yet, I see those signposts Steve talks about, those little coincidences, they are very specific and they're uncanny. What am I to believe?

My heart tells me to go with the flow, to allow it to be regardless of outcome. If their relationship ends, it ends. If we never get together, we don't. I'm here rambling on and with my heart on fire for someone in a relationship and find myself feeling unsure of what to think or feel. I feel selfish for even loving him because it goes against what we all know as being right. Yet, I do love him. I am a mature woman, not a child, this isn't a crush. I know what feels right in my heart, I know what I want and why I want it. I also know the universe works in mysterious ways....and yet, I don't understand why I have been led here. Please kindhearts, help me work through this. I need you.

I appreciate your time and effort on my behalf. Thank you.