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madgeylou · 11-29-2006, 03:52 PM

dqueens, i know exactly how you feel. i didnt have a serious boyfriend until i was 31! and although i had some connections over the years, even some really nice ones, i also had some seriously looooong dry spells where i thought i might die if i didnt get touched soon.

for me, a lot of the issue was in my own head. i had a lot of "what's wrooong with me? why doesnt anyone want me?" thinking going on. i had to let go of that -- it is shite and is neither accurate nor helpful. there's something "wrong" with everyone, and yet lots of people still manage to find love. so i had to stop thinking of myself as specially cursed in the romance department. i had to open my mind and accept that there was love out there for me.

dont feel sick and shallow for wanting a boyfriend. most everyone wants love -- it's not sick or shallow, it's a basic human desire.

it is hard to admit as an independent woman-type though, i know. you sort of feel like youre falling into the worst possible desperate woman cliche. but, you are not. you are a lovely and lovable person, and you deserve the opportunity to give and receive love in your life!

the key for me was to get involved doing something that i loved. when a person is doing something that makes him or her happy, that person is instantly made beautiful.

another thing that helped was getting my physical appearance together to a point where i felt cute most of the time. feeling cute is half the battle!

also i made an effort to be friendly to people. my outlet was music -- i hosted an open stage every week with my band. so it was part of my job as host to be friendly and talk to folks rather than sitting on my barstool like a lump, and i met a ton of great people that way, including the young man who became my first love.

as far as the touch thing -- sigh -- that is really hard. when i would feel touch-starved, there were a few things i did that helped:
* petted my cat, took friends' dogs for walks
* babysat for my niece who i adored and loved to hug and cuddle
* get massages.

none of these can substitute for romantic touch, but romantic touch isnt the only kind we need, you know?

if all else fails, go out to a bar, find a doable boy, conk him on the head, and drag him home. maybe that doesnt suit your morals, but it helped tide me over a few times until real love came around.

11-29-2006, 03:52 PM	#2 (permalink)
madgeylou Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: brooklyn, new york Posts: 193	dqueens, i know exactly how you feel. i didnt have a serious boyfriend until i was 31! and although i had some connections over the years, even some really nice ones, i also had some seriously looooong dry spells where i thought i might die if i didnt get touched soon. for me, a lot of the issue was in my own head. i had a lot of "what's wrooong with me? why doesnt anyone want me?" thinking going on. i had to let go of that -- it is shite and is neither accurate nor helpful. there's something "wrong" with everyone, and yet lots of people still manage to find love. so i had to stop thinking of myself as specially cursed in the romance department. i had to open my mind and accept that there was love out there for me. dont feel sick and shallow for wanting a boyfriend. most everyone wants love -- it's not sick or shallow, it's a basic human desire. it is hard to admit as an independent woman-type though, i know. you sort of feel like youre falling into the worst possible desperate woman cliche. but, you are not. you are a lovely and lovable person, and you deserve the opportunity to give and receive love in your life! the key for me was to get involved doing something that i loved. when a person is doing something that makes him or her happy, that person is instantly made beautiful. another thing that helped was getting my physical appearance together to a point where i felt cute most of the time. feeling cute is half the battle! also i made an effort to be friendly to people. my outlet was music -- i hosted an open stage every week with my band. so it was part of my job as host to be friendly and talk to folks rather than sitting on my barstool like a lump, and i met a ton of great people that way, including the young man who became my first love. as far as the touch thing -- sigh -- that is really hard. when i would feel touch-starved, there were a few things i did that helped: * petted my cat, took friends' dogs for walks * babysat for my niece who i adored and loved to hug and cuddle * get massages. none of these can substitute for romantic touch, but romantic touch isnt the only kind we need, you know? if all else fails, go out to a bar, find a doable boy, conk him on the head, and drag him home. maybe that doesnt suit your morals, but it helped tide me over a few times until real love came around. Last edited by madgeylou; 11-29-2006 at 03:58 PM.