You know, this is a tough time in the semester for students and teachers - deadlines loom for both groups, and since you're also apparently involved in music, the holiday concert season just adds a layer of stress. I've come to see it as just part of the academic game. For now (and for the foreseeable future) we're stuck with a system which works everyone to the point of exhaustion, gives a short break, and then starts up all over again. At this point in the semester, it's hard to teach - all the students are tired, burnt out and no one wants to be in class anymore. Add the deadlines and projects on top of it, and it's not a very positive place to be.
Why do I do it, even with the system? Because I love my subject. I find that even when things are stressful, sitting down with my philosophy books is energizing. I find myself thinking "This is neat!" and wishing I did a better job of convincing my students that it really is interesting. It can be tough on those days when my brain isn't working at full speed, but I really like philosophy, even if the academic system is problematic.
I'm not sure what Lightworker Syndrome is, nor am I really sure what you want to do. If you're still interested in your field - stick it out. It's just the game that has to be played to do what you want to do. My dad kept reminding me that the Ph.D. is the union card in my business - if I wanted in, I had to play the game. Believe me - graduate school isn't a very fun process, and that idea kept me going. That became my motivation - and it has paid off. But if playing the game won't get you to what is realistic for you or what your purpose is, then drop out.
But do keep in mind that you're at the low point in the semester that everyone goes through, and part of the problem may just be that.
|