I'm also glad that your second post was more positive. Know that you are certainly not alone in feeling the blues on your birthday, and about getting older in general. In your first post, I really heard regret in there, and it was mixed with some big fears, valid & scary fears.
And yet, you found your way by them, and managed to put yourself out there, inviting people to bring their positive energy to you and celebrate your birthday. Birthdays are good for you - the more you have, the longer you live.
It's so easy to get "stuck" waiting for something. Waiting for circumstances to change, waiting for a better job, waiting for that "someday" that you want to do something. That "someday" won't come unless you make it come. I hear soooo many people saying they wish they had done something sooner in their lives. And yet, I'll be honest, I still hold on to some "someday" items too: someday I want to complete a Ph.D. degree, someday I want to run the Boston Marathon, someday I want to climb Mt. Ranier, someday I want to go dogsledding, someday I will complete an Ironman Triathlon...
The power of now is big. I guess that's why there's a book about it (which I haven't read yet...maybe "someday" I will).
