Quote:
Originally Posted by sheffy4  Even someone looking for a serious commitment would be freaked out if their date started grilling them on their ideas about children, parenting techniques, in-laws, and finances.
I would say things like this are better discussed after a long period together, like 6 months to a year, or more. |
It sounds sensible at first, but I would disagree. These things should be discussed very early in relationship, perhaps not in first 5 dates, but definitely in the first few months of relationship, particularly if you even remotely consider that it will last. Why? Because it will be much easier to end it at an early stage if you see that your non-negotiables do not fit. After 6 months there will be a lot more attachment, a lot more emotional/financial/time investment done and, when you find out that your most basic values are not compatible, you will be in a lot worse position and a lot more tempted to make compromises that will harm you in the long run and stretch the relationship because of your investment/attachment, not because it is the real thing that you are looking for.
It does not necessarily need to involve grilling. Come on! You spend a lot of time in dinners, cuddling, going places... talk about stuff that matters in a friendly, open, fun way and you will find out all you need/want to know.
Truth is good. Better to know it sooner than later, particularly because the basic things about people never change, and the non-negotiables are those basic things.