Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post

thirial · 03-09-2008, 03:26 AM

physical appearance
definitely important, its been proven that attractive men and women have a Halo Effect whereby they are viewed by others as more honest irrespective of their character.

Wealth
if our western capitalistic cultures judge people on their earning ability then we will also, although i have little respect for people who are given big trust funds by daddy and flaunt it. wealth is also very attractive to girls and guys are drawn to other guys who are good with girls.

Power
if you have power and abuse it, you are feared not respected. this is not charisma, "Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power" sun tzu. self discipline is my biggest challenge at the moment.

knowing how to respond in any social situation
i think is very important in any form of leadership, if people are to follow you and place their trust in you they need to feel like there is nothing to worry about because you know what you are doing

being healthy and having the "glow" that comes with physical balance
eating healthy and regular exercise, i would also say that the glow comes from the mysterious balance between ones inner world and their outer world. if someone is stressed but gives the outward appearance that everything's ok the incongruity will come across in their body language.

Having overall good karma :-)
if you feel that you are doing good then you're obviously going to feel good

I am going to profile too people in the office because they have the attributes you mentioned

Boss:
Extremely good salesman, public speaker, motivator, exudes personal magnetism, always dressed in a suit etc. When i first started working there i thought 'what a great guy' and was amazed at his public speaking confidence and the way he would capture the attention of everyone in the room. He has the physical appearance, wealth and power trifecta.

After a few weeks a halo effect will naturally fade as we begin to get to know someone better, first impressions last whether they are good or bad but they do eventually become less potent. After a few weeks i began to reevaluate my perceptions of the boss, primarily because there were rumours from colleagues that he was fake, its good to take everything with a grain of salt but reputation is very important when assessing social dynamics so i looked at him with a more critical eye and i too came to the conclusion that he was fake.

He has many narcissistic qualities, he has to be the 'best' at everything even if its unrelated to the work - if someone is a great golf player he is even better and he doesn't even practice. If you've made lots of sales on the day your his best friend (a large percentage of the money for the sale goes to him) if not he doesn't acknowledge your presence. In short, I respect him greatly for what he has achieved but i also feel sorry for him because he can't keep friends, he ultimately wants people to worship him. Pity is the worst thing you want if you are trying to cultivate charisma

lets contrast this with one of the team leaders...

There's this Pakistani guy who can somehow smile with his eyes, they have that 'glow' you are talking about, i've only ever met Indians who can do this before (where the f*** can i learn this??? hah). Just by looking at him you can tell he is completely comfortable with himself and his surroundings, he knows how to respond in any social situation like nothing phases him (knocking on 80doors a day for a year will do this to you, ive had people answer the door with a knife in hand hah) People go to him if they have grievances against someone in the office because he is a just and good mediator and they trust him

He is very careful not to 'outshine' the boss when they are in the same room, he doesn't need to impress or prove himself to anyone so people try and impress and prove themselves to him. I think this is part of the mystique to charisma, where someone can be the centre of attention in any given social situation if they so desired, but will instead focus on others who crave the attention more than he does.

both are two very different people, while the boss seems charismatic at first he cannot keep up the game, the pakistani guy doesnt even have a game.

03-09-2008, 03:26 AM	#3 (permalink)
thirial Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Ecuadorian Andes Posts: 124	physical appearance definitely important, its been proven that attractive men and women have a Halo Effect whereby they are viewed by others as more honest irrespective of their character. Wealth if our western capitalistic cultures judge people on their earning ability then we will also, although i have little respect for people who are given big trust funds by daddy and flaunt it. wealth is also very attractive to girls and guys are drawn to other guys who are good with girls. Power if you have power and abuse it, you are feared not respected. this is not charisma, "Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power" sun tzu. self discipline is my biggest challenge at the moment. knowing how to respond in any social situation i think is very important in any form of leadership, if people are to follow you and place their trust in you they need to feel like there is nothing to worry about because you know what you are doing being healthy and having the "glow" that comes with physical balance eating healthy and regular exercise, i would also say that the glow comes from the mysterious balance between ones inner world and their outer world. if someone is stressed but gives the outward appearance that everything's ok the incongruity will come across in their body language. Having overall good karma :-) if you feel that you are doing good then you're obviously going to feel good I am going to profile too people in the office because they have the attributes you mentioned Boss: Extremely good salesman, public speaker, motivator, exudes personal magnetism, always dressed in a suit etc. When i first started working there i thought 'what a great guy' and was amazed at his public speaking confidence and the way he would capture the attention of everyone in the room. He has the physical appearance, wealth and power trifecta. After a few weeks a halo effect will naturally fade as we begin to get to know someone better, first impressions last whether they are good or bad but they do eventually become less potent. After a few weeks i began to reevaluate my perceptions of the boss, primarily because there were rumours from colleagues that he was fake, its good to take everything with a grain of salt but reputation is very important when assessing social dynamics so i looked at him with a more critical eye and i too came to the conclusion that he was fake. He has many narcissistic qualities, he has to be the 'best' at everything even if its unrelated to the work - if someone is a great golf player he is even better and he doesn't even practice. If you've made lots of sales on the day your his best friend (a large percentage of the money for the sale goes to him) if not he doesn't acknowledge your presence. In short, I respect him greatly for what he has achieved but i also feel sorry for him because he can't keep friends, he ultimately wants people to worship him. Pity is the worst thing you want if you are trying to cultivate charisma lets contrast this with one of the team leaders... There's this Pakistani guy who can somehow smile with his eyes, they have that 'glow' you are talking about, i've only ever met Indians who can do this before (where the f*** can i learn this??? hah). Just by looking at him you can tell he is completely comfortable with himself and his surroundings, he knows how to respond in any social situation like nothing phases him (knocking on 80doors a day for a year will do this to you, ive had people answer the door with a knife in hand hah) People go to him if they have grievances against someone in the office because he is a just and good mediator and they trust him He is very careful not to 'outshine' the boss when they are in the same room, he doesn't need to impress or prove himself to anyone so people try and impress and prove themselves to him. I think this is part of the mystique to charisma, where someone can be the centre of attention in any given social situation if they so desired, but will instead focus on others who crave the attention more than he does. both are two very different people, while the boss seems charismatic at first he cannot keep up the game, the pakistani guy doesnt even have a game.