[Jennihul]

Couple points to make:

Some people have kids because they love the idea of nurturing a new life and that is that.

Some people have kids because they themselves have an agenda.

It sounds like your parents have an agenda for themselves that involves controlling what you become. It's a dysfunction, to be sure, but I wouldn't hate them for it. My mom's friend had kids, I swear to God, to help her around the house. Guess how fast they estranged from her and got out to be on their own? As fast as they could. Now she whines that her kids don't love her.

The act of pleasing your parents should end when one is about 11. Then you should begin the arduous task of becoming your own person, a little at a time. It doesn't mean you have to alienate from them completely or continue to be a drama king about it. (I always sense that any issue seems vastly more horrid and frustrating when you are 22 as opposed to 42, but that's just my opinion.) It doesn't even mean that you have to move out. Just be an adult sharing living space with your parents. You have to assert yourself not in an antagonistic way, just in a focused and direct way:

I am an adult. Adults do not have curfews, bedtimes or internet restrictions. Living in your home should not make a difference with regard to these things. Please tell me if you find that unacceptable and I will make other arrangements. I feel that I would have a better start on my ideal life if I could stay here with you for a few more months/years but I have standards by which I intend to live and being treated as a child is not one of them.

Ultimately, success is the best revenge. Just smile, and be calm and clearly state your ideas and preferences. The thing about parents is they have our best interest at heart and often DO know what they are talking about. So, there must be a happy medium where you can divest them of their vast, worldly knowledge, their general support but at the same time be the adult that you are.

Unless they are just psychotic.

If you appear to be floundering and taking paths that will lead surely to peril, their parental survival instincts kick in and they start to control your life for you. If, however, you have absolutely clear and strong plans, and plans to actually acheive those plans, they relax. Be sure you aren't appearing to flounder. And I am not kidding about the drama king stuff. Nothing panics a parent like an emotionally out of control kid.


Jennifer