I know you meant that last part as a joke, but eh.. not funny.
Also, there are a bunch of other threads about this, but I would say there are two main ways to start a conversation.
1) notice something about the other person that interests you, and ask them a question about it.
2) compliment (genuinely) about something you admire about them (even if it's just like, "nice jacket.")
3) just introduce yourself, "Hey, my name is ___. What's yours?"
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