[m18pak]

Aj215, I'm going to try again because I think my first post was just too philosophical to be of any help. What I was basically trying to say was that you need to understand your situation better so that you start making your own choices.

I get the feeling that you are quite aimless and lost. I feel that you came here looking for clarity and direction, but the thing that you must realize is that nobody can give you that except for yourself. A lot of people here have indeed given you advice, but they have all done it subjectively. They have told you what to do, based on what they themselves would do were they in your position.

You have to realize that you need to make your own choices now. You seem like you have fallen in a state of apathetic non-being, where you just drift by. You don't know what you want, only what you don't want. You put off making choices for this reason, but what you don't seem to realize is that by not making a choice you are still making a choice.

All I'm trying to say to you is that you need to understand your situation better so that you gain some clarity, and maybe then you'll know enough to be able to make a choice and stick to it. Try being objective so that you can see your situation from a clearer perspective. Ask yourself some questions, like "why do I loathe the idea of taking orders so much", "what is it that I really want right now", "where do I want to be in ten years time", "why do I like what I like, and why do I dislike what I don't like" etc etc.

Only you can make this choice, because only you are living your life.

On