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KittyG · 11-29-2006, 02:32 AM

Okay, exactly.
How do you fathom Oprah got to that point?
Do you think she just "forgave" the perpetrators?
Perhaps.
More probable, in therapy, she held these people accountable, got an apology from them and at that point forgave them, thus, choosing to move on.
The object is not to be angry and hateful and unforgiving but rather to be honest with yourself.
How much did this abuse cost me?
How much and for how long am I willing to suffer?
For how long do I want to be a victim?How and do I want to make certain my children/husband/wife never have to deal with the abuse I've never dealt with?
The victims of abuse end up in the same places;
dead, abusing their loved ones, opposing from the victim stance for the remainder of their lives or surviving and succeeding.
My point was never to encourage "not moving on."
How you interpret my advice to Christian is about your personal history, your past experiences, including abuse.
The perpetrator of the abuse would tell the victim they don't deserve to be seen and heard , that they are dramatic and should just move on, it was all in their head, they've always been that way and will never change.
In short, the perpetrator would encourage stuffing their feelings down, the same way they forced the abusee to disconnect and "stuff" their feelings in order to endure the pain of being abused by their caregivers.
This is where I boldly took issue.
Yes, my parents did they best they could knowing what they did at the time.
But do I care when I'm slitting my wrists or pulling my hair? (Hypothetically)
Do the parents of the murdered woman care that the man who killed their daughter suffered abuse in his childhood?
Does the mother of the little girl who's teacher molested her care that the teacher was molested?
That's for you to decide.
I've just chosen to phrase my thoughts in question form.
Abuse creates co dependency.
Co dependency cannot just be wished away with no work.
I believe in recovery.
Recovery involves work not wishful thinking alone.

Kat

P.S. I don't believe anybody's "alright" with the abuse they endured.

11-29-2006, 02:32 AM	#22 (permalink)
KittyG Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Atlanta Posts: 40	Okay, exactly. How do you fathom Oprah got to that point? Do you think she just "forgave" the perpetrators? Perhaps. More probable, in therapy, she held these people accountable, got an apology from them and at that point forgave them, thus, choosing to move on. The object is not to be angry and hateful and unforgiving but rather to be honest with yourself. How much did this abuse cost me? How much and for how long am I willing to suffer? For how long do I want to be a victim?How and do I want to make certain my children/husband/wife never have to deal with the abuse I've never dealt with? The victims of abuse end up in the same places; dead, abusing their loved ones, opposing from the victim stance for the remainder of their lives or surviving and succeeding. My point was never to encourage "not moving on." How you interpret my advice to Christian is about your personal history, your past experiences, including abuse. The perpetrator of the abuse would tell the victim they don't deserve to be seen and heard , that they are dramatic and should just move on, it was all in their head, they've always been that way and will never change. In short, the perpetrator would encourage stuffing their feelings down, the same way they forced the abusee to disconnect and "stuff" their feelings in order to endure the pain of being abused by their caregivers. This is where I boldly took issue. Yes, my parents did they best they could knowing what they did at the time. But do I care when I'm slitting my wrists or pulling my hair? (Hypothetically) Do the parents of the murdered woman care that the man who killed their daughter suffered abuse in his childhood? Does the mother of the little girl who's teacher molested her care that the teacher was molested? That's for you to decide. I've just chosen to phrase my thoughts in question form. Abuse creates co dependency. Co dependency cannot just be wished away with no work. I believe in recovery. Recovery involves work not wishful thinking alone. Kat P.S. I don't believe anybody's "alright" with the abuse they endured.