Aspiring, you've just helped me realize something for myself, thank you.
The other night, I was feeling BAD after Danger Man called from San Francisco to announce that he was going to see Blade Runner -- without me! Never mind that I'm in L.A. I felt BAD. Blade Runner! the movie we were supposed to see together! Without me, he's going to see it! Grrrr. All my old pain was totally activated.
So I started the process to feel good on purpose, when I realized I didn't want to feel good yet. I wanted to nurture my pain. I felt entitled to it. (I had PMS, by the way
). And fighting it just gave it more power over me anyway. But I also felt I *should* feel good, so I fought with myself, and then I REALLY started to feel bad. I was kind of in a hole, you might say. a toilet hole.
Now, hearing you speak, I see that I squandered the bad feeling that I had wanted to nurture. To really nurture it and get value out of it, it might have worked better for me to just say, yeah, I feel bad, so what? Here I am, feeling bad, doo dah doo dah dooo. and really enjoyed it. It wouldn't have taken more than the evening to let it be what it needed to be; I'm confident that I would have woken up feeling fine anyway. But since I had *wanted* to feel my bad feeling (you know what I mean?), stretching out in it and feeling the *mud* between my toes would have been a great way to get through it effectively, I can see in retrospect.
I hope I remember this episode next time I'm feeling bad and think I *should* feel good.
