[3nigma]

I've got some pretty strong beliefs about life. Beliefs rooted down into the core. They affect alot of things in my life, especially my 'Life Energy.' Basically, I'm an atheist, and of course with that comes various belief systems about religions, evolution, how the Cosmos came to be, etc. What it really comes down to is... life is pointless. It's nothing, just the cause of natural selection since the time of bacteria coming into existence.

As grim as that may sound, I see it totally manifesting in my reality. People die every second, right as I'm typing this sentence out. There's genocides in Africa, an ongoing war in Iraq, criminals, rapists, murders out on the loose, etc etc etc. For me, there really is no "personal development" as the idea stands. You're going to die, every moment is fleeting, so no matter how many goals you achieve, how much money you make, what you accomplish in your life... In a grand scale against the universe, it's nothing. You'll die and you MIGHT make it into a history book if you're lucky, which is totally meaningless in and of itself. The earth is just a grain of sand in a billion mile wide beach.

I remember though... when I was a kid, I never had these beliefs, even if they are true. I remember I was happy, laughing all day and having fun with simplistic forms of entertainment like watching cartoons. Seems like when you REALIZE the true nature of life, it kind of disheartens you. I guess ignorance really is bliss.

Is anyone out there exactly like they were when they were a kid as they are when they're an adult? Seriously. Do you laugh over 500 times a day? Most adults hardly laugh 5 - 10 times a day. Are you full of energy bouncing off the walls? No, most people can barely make it through the day without taking naps, trying diets and all these things. Do you taste/smell/touch/hear/see everything in your day to day activities? Are you totally fearless when trying anything new? Most people have a fear of failure that is just on a ridiculous level.

So... How do you get rid of that? It's not like you can un-learn it. You can fool yourself, yes. How long does that last though? A week where you're optimistic, and suddenly you fall back into unconscious behavior. How do you become exactly like a child, even though your core beliefs tell you that life is meaningless?