Thank you, Gozunn, I have considered this point of view for the most part of last week. This way of thinking was the reason why I could not make my mind up about it for so long.
I want you to understand that my decision is not one of fear. I do not fear my future with or without the child. As I stated before, there is nothing I should fear if I decide to keep the child. But there is also nothing to fear if I decide to not to have him at this time. I have made my decision out of love: I have become aware that I do not know how to love myself, thus, I will be unable to love the child as he deserves it. Loving oneself after 26 years of not knowing or doing anything like it, can take some time to achieve and I need to be alone to achieve it. I am not in a position to take full responsibility of another human being at this time, since I can't yet take full responsibility of myself.
I know that I am not killing my child. I am merely breaking our contract and he will have another chance to return to this existence if he chooses so. I am extremely grateful about the guidance he has provided me, and trust me, this lesson I will keep with me for my life. I know that by doing this I have karma stacking up that I will have to work through one day. But all of this had to happen to open my eyes to how valuable my life is and how valuable I am and how I should always remember it.
And on a rather practical note, I feel sick these days, but I am not operating under hormones, since I know myself enough to know my behavioral patterns when I do (I have quite serious PMS issues etc.). Last week I have felt very calm and sure of what I am doing. I haven't had any drama in my head whatsoever, and I can be quite a drama queen sometimes.
On another rather practical note, you are not the only one who judges me about this decision. The gynaecologist I visited today was quite harsh on me too. But my family supports me, and that is a very big relief for me in this time. And I don't feel guilty or scared, reading your post, thus I know that I don't have those feelings in me and actually it confirms once more that my decision is right.