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Originally Posted by Rockchick26  Well while i'm talking to them,i dont feel like i'm thinking about myself,i just feel fake. I dont normally act interested in people i'm not interested in,so,thats why it feels fake. I dont know what it is,but i just feel wierd when first meeting someone,because at first obviously i dont know them but i have to act like i like them already,and that is hard for me. So i act friendly and i smile and everything but it just seems wierd to me to suddenly start asking them a million questions about them. Maybe its cuz i'm not a big question asker to begin with. i dont even ask my friends questions. I LOVE conversations that just flow,like a constant exchange of ideas. I dont like questions and answers,it seems like a job interview then. I guess thats why i dont like dating because it feels too much like a job interview and its not loose and casual enough. I dont like to have to "pass a test" when i'm meeting someone,or test them. I just like to casually chat about something that is going on,or something we have in common. I kinda like friendships to happen by accident,i dont want to go out and find someone and create a friendship because i just want a friend. I want it to happen naturally,not force it. This is how i feel about dating guys too. Thats why the whole meeting new people experience usually sucks for me cuz it doesnt happen in a way that makes me comfortable. |
It sounds like you have a lot of beliefs about how relationships and friendships are supposed to start and be conducted. I can relate since I am working on the same issue. How are all of those requirements working for you?
What would happen if you let go of all of those pre-conceived notions about what it means to meet and talk with people a certain way? What would happen if instead of putting restrictions on the way you meet people you were instead open to new possibilities?
I have to agree that looking at your posts from an outside POV, you seem very attached to your ideas about what's right and wrong and more than a little unwilling to surrender those and try on a new possibility. I know this because it's reflecting back to me my own closed nature. When several different people tell you the same thing (that you are not hearing them or accepting what they are saying) you can bet that they are right. It doesn't make it any easier to accept, but it lets you know where you may be stuck. As someone I know used to say "if three people call you a donkey, buy a saddle."
Thanks for posting. It's really showing me some things I need to work on.