I can sort of understand the way your friend deals with grief because I'm like that too. When something sad or terrible happens to me, I hate talking about it. I try to avoid telling anyone, not even the people closest to me, because:
1. Talking about it is painful.
2. I hate people pitying me, looking at me with pitying eyes.
3. I don't like to look weak in front of people and I try to avoid situations which will might make me cry in front of someone.
So, when something bad happens to me and people find out and start coming to console me and ask if I want to talk about it, I'd be irritated as heck, especially if that someone were a person I only knew for 2 weeks. I'd be like, "Butt out, I don't even know you that well and you want to me to share my deepest thoughts with you?"
To be honest, I would even be irritated by close friends trying to talk to me. I just don't want to talk about it and I don't want people to ask questions, you know? I just want to be alone in my grief (for a while, at least, anyway)
What I might appreciate would be non-invasive forms of comfort. Maybe a card or an e-mail saying simply, "I'm here if you need a friend." That way, I feel comforted that I have a friend without having to go through the stress of interaction. I wouldn't necessarily reply the e-mail or send a thank you for the card, because I'm on an "avoiding people" state, but I will remember who are my friends and I will go to them when I'm ready to face people.  |