And why am I too chicken to call him out on it! I'm kinda disgusted in myself
End of January, we had a huge argument. After that, we decided to take a break. We parted on amicable terms. But it was never an official break-up.
However, we've sure acted as if we broke up. As in, barely any contact of any kind. Then, out of the blue, he emails me a week ago, asking if I want to have dinner. Sure, dinner sounded fine to me. I only have pleasant feelings for him.
I saw him yesterday. Spent the night (no sex - and no pressure for sex, either, even the poor guy spent the entire time, um, excited). And, he treated me as if the past month never happened. He was all affectionate and kiss-y and calling me pet names.
But the best part of the night was sleeping with his cat by my side. I love that cat. I missed that cat.
I'm just so mad that I didn't firmly tell him, "I feel weird! Can we talk about this first?" For some reason, I was worried about making HIM uncomfortable.
Much of the time, I was a bit irritated at him. I've gained confidence exponentially since January, and he's missed out on a lot of it. He treats me how he's always treated me. And now, I find it belittling, stifling, and such a turn-off. But I kept my mouth shut because I wanted to keep the peace.
He's not a bad guy. He's not even a chauvinist. He's essentially a great guy who also happens to be clueless about me. So I feel guilty, because him trying to understand me it's like asking a born-blind man to describe an apple. Impossible. And not his fault.
I've been asking myself, "what do I want, in regards to him?" And I get a total blank. I just know that I want to be kind to him. But in terms of what I want, I have no clue.