Originally Posted by mncz  Yes, that is it. If you keep thinking there is "something you could have done better/different" etc, and keep playing those scenarios in your head, you will NEVER get anywhere (I know this, since I was doing that last 3 months and tried to save my failed relationship 3 times and ended up in a much, MUCH worse position than the one I was after our first breakup). If it is over, it is over, and there is NOTHING you can do. Such is life.
Stop it. Your entire life might seem gray, bleak and lifeless at this moment (it does for me), but I can assure you, that it will get better.
What you can do in the meantime, is:
a) train your mind to get out of the loop of your negative thoughts. Whenever you see yourself getting to thinking how crap everything is, focus on the current moment instead and observe things around you: weather, your breathing, other people moving, little things. Remind yourself that past is already gone and future is yet to come and focus on the now. And breathe. BREATHE!
b) make a list of things you have always wanted to do and do at least some of them, if they are within reachable range
c) as much as you can afford it, do only things you love to do. Do not force yourself to do things you don't have energy for (except when they are vital for your life - school or paid job, since you will be sorry about screwing them up). If you can, take a vacation. I, for example, have cut back on workload and I do all the shopping/coffee shop munching/web surfing/reading / gaming / walking I can take, since those are things that make me feel good. Generate some positive emotions for yourself
d) communicate with other people. Talk about whatever - the topics of your conversation will take your thoughts off the negative pattern
e) meditate. I, for example, can't focus on a proper meditation yet, but I still turn off the lights, light a candle and look at it, thinking about various things for about 20 minutes. I visualise life how I would like it to be, try to step up the vibrational ladder (see the book Ask and it is Given for the process) and generally chill. When I will feel better, I will get back to manifesting stuff, at the moment I am so down that I cannot focus on it properly. It is very nice thing to do before sleep.
f) exercise. An hour on treadmill or other favorite physical activity will clear your head, burn some of the depression and boost your confidence. All psychologists recommend physical activities against sadness/depression and I have tried it, and it works.
g) practice forgiving. whenever you feel bad about what you have done, do a dialogue with yourself. If you can, try to find out, WHY you did it, go back to reasons of reasons of reasons. Rethink your childhood, your relationships with your parents/old friends/previous relationships. There is a lesson there, something you should learn. When you see it, release your anger and guilt. Say "now I see why this has happened and I forgive myself for this". Ask apology to the harmed person in your mind. Their higher selves can hear it and by doing that you detach a string of bad emotion that is tying you to the other person. Ask apology to your body, since you have harmed it through your negative thinking. And then forgive yourself once more. Keep doing this for some time. If you can do this with all your heart, you will feel relief. Then repeat it with all your other bad emotions/guilt/shame/fear one by one until they subside.
It is not easy to get over a broken relationship, but it is possible and it is the best thing to do for you. If your ex will want you back, she will let you know. While she doesn't, focus on yourself and making your life and your person better. There are plenty of women to go around, and there is the right one for you in your future too, not only in your past.
There is always light at the end of this.
Keep in mind that you cannot get "happy" in a few days. If you have been seriously depressed and generally unable to do anything, you will be angry, arrogant, bitchy, annoyed etc. for a while. Although most people will not see it as such, it is actually an improvement over state of apathy, and if you keep going from there, you will eventually get happy. Don't be afraid of your aggression, it has to come out. Just keep it so that innocent people do not get hurt without reason. Enter a fighting class if you have to.
Since this condition of yours seems to have been around for a while now, I would also recommend seeing a doctor and counseling/prescriptions unless your beliefs are against this type of help. While pills alone will not heal you (in fact, they can do only a little to deal with depression), they might put your biochemistry up a notch and make this all easier to handle. 95% of the job is still up to you though. |