Brilliant article; you hit the nail with a sledgehammer.
I'm sure we all know one or two people who consistently put up a fight whenever their ideas are challenged, while going out of their way to raise hell and provoke those arguments in the first place. Many times, I find it is easier to agree wholeheartedly, and wait for their hot temper to settle.
Textbook example:
I share an apartment with my brother, who was at home yesterday when I opened the door after a long day of work. I tolerate an obscenely lengthy commute, so my 9 to 5 workday usually becomes a 7 to 7 ordeal. Needless to say, while I'm not angry when I step in the door, I'm not exactly in the mood to "agree wholeheartedly".
Him (Immediately): "You haven't washed any dishes in a week. Do some tonight."
Me: "Believe me, I would love to completely empty the sink of foul, disgusting silverware, but I just haven't had the time. You know my schedule. I'll take care of it as soon as I can."
Him: "Not good enough."
*Argument Ensues*
At about the point where I thought one of us might toss the other through our second-story kitchen window, I realized that it would just be easier to agree with his point of view, promise to wash some dishes, and thereby defuse the situation. I stopped right there, apologized, and scrubbed away for maybe... MAYBE five minutes.
And that was all he needed. I didn't have to completely solve the disgusting kitchen situation - only agree, to defuse the argument, and restore normality. Afterwards, he understood that sometimes life calls for a sink full of nastiness. He wasn't mad at me - he was mad at the situation. First I needed to end the argument, and now I can focus on solving the problem.
Because, of course, "a man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still."  |