Originally Posted by Angela  Rockchick, who you are is perfect, whole, and complete. There is no need for you to change anything about yourself.
Here's what the people here have noticed: you can't change anyone but your self. People won't change because you demand that they change, or because you think it's fair that they change, or because you want something. You can change yourself. Again, you don't have to, and there are no *shoulds* about you changing, either. And, if what you're doing is not working in generating a life you love, one of the most powerful tools we have to transform that is to transform ourselves -- often all it takes is a small shift in what we're being. It's a pretty good deal.
And we can hear in your posts that you would really like to transform at least one area of your life -- knowing how powerful it can be to take 100% responsibility, and pulling for you, being on your side in you getting what you want -- that's why people get a little frustrated with your stubbornness. We want you to have what you want, because then we have what we want. Maybe you've noticed I've changed my way of being with you a lot, because I keep looking for a way to find a way of being that will make a difference! I selfishly want you to have a great LLTMBR in your life, because that would make me feel good. Of course I can't make you do anything, and I wouldn't want to anyway. But some things are so easy for me to see, and I want you to see it too -- I want to be the mirror in which you can see the back of your head. You just can't see some things without the help of other people. I am one of your other people.
I think a good therapist could help you, but not until and unless you open yourself up to the idea that another person might be able to help you see what you're not seeing, and let go of defending yourself and being unwilling to experiment with ways of being. If you go to a therapist in the state you're in now, I think you'd probably have much the same experience you're having with us here -- feeling like "why should I change?".
So my advice to you would be to practice recognizing that you are perfect exactly as you are and exactly as you are not, and at the same time, you can change who you are being JUST FOR FUN. Just because it's fun. You don't have to, and if you choose not to, that doesn't mean anything about you. It's just experimenting, with the aim of living a life you're in love with. See what I mean? |