Rockchick, are you seeing a therapist? Do you even WANT help? The major message I get from you here is "I want (exactly specifically precisely) what I want, and I'm not willing to change anything about myself or let anyone's -- not even people who HAVE what I want -- advice in so that I can have it! Why can't I have what I want?"
I don't think you're going to move towards your desires as long as you're so stuck in your thinking.
The good news is, it's easier to move than it is to think or argue about moving!
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