Earlier today I sat down and, doing my best to be sincere to myself and being reasonable, wrote down things about my life and how having a baby would change them.
1) Money. my finances are ok. I have sold my property (I posted about it on the LoA part of the forum) and thus will not experience severe financial shortages. Plus I work from home, thus I can continue working to a limited extent even when the baby is very small.
2) Emotions. I am currently just learning to be a happy, loving person and I still experience emotional pitfalls - a day or two when I feel completely unhappy, unloved and miserable, particularly few days before my monthly cycle. During that time I can cry, talk garbage, isolate myself from communication with other people etc.etc. They follow me from a rough childhood and my last relationship did not contribute to improve them. But I can work on that and a child would be a good motivation to finally get this part of me sorted and set.
3) Driving. I can acquire drivers licence in a few months and classes for that are starting day after tomorrow. I am also able to afford a car.
4) Home. I can also either long-term rent or mortgage an apartment or house and make it as beautiful as I have always dreamed about.
5) Relationship. I believe that if I make my life happy and fulfilling, a beautiful and loving relationship will come to me in its due time and whether or not I have a child will not be the main reason whether this relationship will or will not happen (my mom is particularly concerned about this, since bad relationship choices run in our family for generations).
6) My own life. Most of my favorite activities will not be severely affected whether or not I have a baby. I like to read, watch movies, take long walks in the park, tend to home and garden (flowers!), I do a lot of things on the computer, and my job is entirely computer based (graphic design). I am not in a position where I need to attend public events or travel a lot - ie, events that could be troublesome to attend with a child. Actually having him most probably will make me a lot more social person than I currently am, since I will HAVE to get out more
7. Beliefs. I am pro-life to a reasonable extent and unless I find a convincing reason to terminate pregnancy, I would feel ashamed, guilty and unworthy for choosing abortion. If the baby is here just for the particular reason to show me what a person my ex really is (I finally saw that brilliantly on our conversations about my pregnancy), how and why I make relationship choices that make me unhappy or that I should finally get on making myself a truly happy, loving and abundant person, then I will have miscarriage when I understand these truths completely.
I will also meditate and perhaps even get a reading from Erin, but right now it seems that having the baby would be a good choice, one that would make me more grown-up, responsible (I have in many ways still gotten away with a lot of childish behavior) and happy.