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Originally Posted by CPUNeck  No, don't think I have issues with it  (unless infrequency is an issue  ) |
No? Ok, lets see:
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I've never let on to my wife I felt she was permanently broke,
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Issue 1: You believe she will never be able to have a healthy sexual life. You believe that part of her identity is her incapability to enjoy sex enough to want to do it frequently purely for her own pleasure.
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I just don't see how you could recover from being betrayed by your FATHER.
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Issue 2 (related to Issue 1): You believe that the nature of the trauma caused her to be "permanently broke", and that the trauma was so awful, that she will never be able to overcome it.
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But what pains me is why don't you and your wife go to a sex councilor?
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Issue 3: You believe it takes a lot of money to help someone overcome their sexual issues.
You do realize that how you view someone influences tremendously how you behave toward them? Then based on how you behave toward someone, the other person reflects that back in how they behave toward you? Thus the beliefs you hold about someone tremendously impacts your relationship with that person. This holds true in sexual relations.
All three of these issues you have are beliefs that are false. She is fully capable of overcoming her trauma, and she is fully capable of enjoying sex so much that she may even want it more then you. However, if you view her (and thus treat her) as someone incapable of doing so, then it will inhibit your own actions toward her. And as Angela said, she will feel that in you, and thus she'll be more inhibited as well.
Furthermore, it does not necessarily cost a lot of money to help someone who is willing to overcome their issues. You've been married 18 years, so I assume you're in this for the long term? I assume you have many more decades together? So, what's it to taking many months to a year during your free time to educate yourself through reading books, asking questions on this forum, searching online for information on how someone can overcome their sexual issues and traumas? Then you can help both yourself, and your wife overcome both of your sexual issues. You could be giving both you, and her a truly wonderful gift.
It's been done by many other people.