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It sounds like you've done an awful lot of comparing your wife and your ex. In fact I think this is what this entire thread is about
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I believe I'd have to agree after going over it again. Bottom line is there is no comparison. My wife is happy and cheerful, my ex, depressed. I should appreciate the happiness my wife brings to my life and our marriage. (Generally I do, just this little episode) My ex is much more like myself, a pessimist (err recovering pessimist I am
). You all have greatly assisted my recognition of the true nature of this issue.
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That's mildly dismissive of her interests
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Man, good word, and observation. .. (love word conservation)
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Have you thought about exploring what excites her, what her passions are?
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This is where I need some enlightenment. I know the silly stuff that makes her giggle (love notes on the TP roll, hidden behind the milk, gift certificates for spas slipped into her purse, and her favorite, me surprising her with a mushy gushy love story from the rental place for us to watch TOGETHER!
It's not so bad to watch because I enjoy seeing my wife happy.) None of that is passions of hers though.
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Real love, I think, would involve having the courage to seek out a deeper level of intimacy with her, including sexual contact
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Here I just wouldn't know what the next mechanical step should be. Understand that the feelings I've laundered here in no way are manifest at home. I would and have never made my wife feel bad about her sexual issues. It's not her fault. But just being real there are times I just wish it was normal. What lengths would I go too, to achieve this... pretty far. Because I know how wonderful it can be. Probably my largest problem is me being narrow and not seeing how after such trauma, one could ever be normal with it.