Quote:
Originally Posted by CPUNeck  Well I never thought of it like that. It sounds like I compare my wife and ex a lot, but I don't think I do. My wife is a simple (on the surface  ), elegant, silly, seat of the pants gal. I enjoy spending time with her, we know each other's love languages and all, its just we are polar opposites. |
It sounds like you've done an awful lot of comparing your wife and your ex. In fact I think this is what this entire thread is about. You're looking at what you've got and then lusting after somebody else because you feel a need you're not getting at home. I hope that doesn't come across as mean - I don't intend it to sound like I'm judging you, and I'm not. It's what human beings do all the time. If you were perfectly happy where you are, you wouldn't be going "Oooh yummy! Sexy ex!" You'd simply mark it and let it go.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CPUNeck How would I explore a communication connection with her? I would be forced to resort to drugs if I had to discuss soap operas, or lifetime/hallmark movies  Now that's not all my wife does, she's going to college/vocational school to be an esthetician. Not much common ground there. |
That's mildly dismissive of her interests, but then I know that I used to go mad over working with people who only ever talked about TV and I couldn't discuss quantum physics with them. Have you thought about exploring what excites her, what her passions are? Just as Angela says, relationships are about continual exploring and new vistas rather than just going "that's all there is." Relationships create a space for us to grow and evolve as people, as we learn about each other.
Quote:
|
Never known it to be any different with my wife.
|
Have you thought about exploring these things with her? It's fairly typical of somebody who's been abused to see sex as a service and a duty, something devoid of intimacy. Abused people shut down their desire because it causes them pain - other people's desire has hurt them greatly so they don't want to feel it.
Real love, I think, would involve having the courage to seek out a deeper level of intimacy with her, including sexual contact. Loving sex - making love - is about opening up to each other. Would you be willing to explore those things with her or just assume that things should carry on the way they are because she's never done anything differently? Have you experimented with approaching the issue differently? Would you be prepared to, if you really love her that much?