Something you might consider. I had problems with this sort of thing early in my life and the root cause in my case was that I assumed everyone else was approximately like me.
This isn't uncommon. It's one of the reasons, for example, that dishonest people that become employers, do not treat their employees with trust and respect -- like adults. Because they assume their employees are like them ... dishonest and shifty, therefore they need strict rules and lots of monitoring.
In your case, I suspect you're an honest, open, caring, giving sort of person and you tend to believe everyone else is roughly like yourself, or if they're not, they might have some justifiable reason for treating you badly. So, when they act in ways that does not value loyalty and devotion as you would, it confuses you and you don't believe the evidence that's right in front of you.
The truth is that there is a vast array of mind-sets, values and behaviors, from sociopath to excessive, boundary-less touchy-feely, and you have to learn to properly identify and appropriately respond to each person on their own merits (or lack thereof). Don't project yourself onto them.
To make it even more interesting, people don't behave the same way in all circumstances (neither do you, although you are probably more self-consistent than many folks). People regress and become childish when they are ill or afraid or under some kind of perceived threat. Some people have two or three sub-personalities that they trot out to deal with different kinds of situations and so might act very differently at work vs at home, alone with you vs with some "crowd" they need to impress, etc. It is fairly difficult sometimes for a simple person to deal with some of those complex characters out there. In an ideal world everyone would be fairly straightforward and self-consistent and together ... in the real world, 'taint so.
Hope that helps a little ... if I missed the boat, then no harm done.
--Bob  |