Empathy distress is defined as an aversive feeling contingent on another's physical, emotional, or economic distress. It is when the pain of others causes you pain.
It can also become emotionally crippling when some crisis in the world touches you deeply and yet you feel helpless to do anything meaningful, to really make a difference.
Have any of you ever felt this? Have you ever felt guilty for not being able to do more, like you were responsible in some way?
I think I have a problem in that I lack the basic sense of self that is needed to not get overwhelmed by the pain of others. Normal people seem to have an innate level of cheerfulness and self-respect that allows them to help others and still take adequate care of themselves, but I sometimes have this fear that if I was to really empathize with and get involved in helping others I would neglect myself to the point of self-destruction. Just giving 10% of my money wouldn't be enough, I'd need to give 90% or maybe even 100%.
I mean, for most of my life I've been a relatively cold and selfish person, but about a year ago there was this moment when my heart really, truly bled for another's pain. And it made me sad in a way that I had never experienced before and never want to again. It was honestly the worst three days of my life. I felt such unbearable sorrow and pain. I mean, I've never lost a loved one but I'm pretty sure that that's how it would feel. Worse, even.
The experience was so horrible that I literally blanked out the cause of my empathy distress. I forced it out of my mind because I never wanted to feel that way again. Ever. I didn't do anything; I just went on like nothing had happened. I couldn't take it. Just the memory of the pain was too painful for me to think about again.
So yes, I guess I am a bleeding heart. I guess I always have been, only I was too busy being angry and bitter before to take a look around at how the rest of the world was doing.
So I guess my question is: how you help others yet "ignore" their pain so that you can still live your own life and pursue your own happiness?
I mean, my understanding is that true, unconditional love is pure objectivity (the sort that angels have for us), but I just don't get it. I know I must be doing it wrong somehow though, because I can intuitively sense that caring about others shouldn't cause you pain and misery.
The world issue I talked about was the trafficking of women into sexual slavery, especially women from Western Europe countries that were former Soviet Union blocs. The economic situation in these countries like Moldova and Romania is so poor that people are basically desperate and will do anything for money in order to survive, which explains the rampart corruption that allows these trafficking rings to operate with virtual impunity and ensures a steady supply of young women who are duped into believing that they are leaving their homes for legitimate jobs like waitresses etc. I don't remember how I stumbled upon it but I read these articles on the internet and...just these stories about how 18-yr-old girls were gang raped as part of their "breaking in" and other atrocities really cut me up inside.
What's worse is that this sort of thing has been happening since the 60s and this is considered to be the 4th wave globally. What's even worse is that there's very little being done about this. We're talking about convicted traffickers regularly getting sentences of community service and rescued women being deported immediately as illegal immigrants so that they don't even get the opportunity to testify against the people that did this to them.
If you want to read more about it you can just type in "sex slavery" into Google.
You can make donations at these sites too if you're interested: Donate | Eaves International Justice Mission - Give Today
Anyway thanks for reading. I know this hasn't been a very cheerful post.